#1. Becoming Me
Something new and honest. Really it comes from watching The Me You Can’t See a series from Oprah and Prince Harry. (Let me just say, I feel bad for calling him Prince Harry if that’s not what he wants to be called, but I can’t find clarification.) Anyway…
This is actually something I’ve always done, wrote down my feelings for only my eyes to see. Actually, when my dad died I wrote a “book” about my grief and experience, just in the 4th grade. And when I showed it to someone in my family who was a writer, it disappeared. But that is something I have decided to ignore for the rest of my life.
Okay seriously, back on track. So I have always been a writer, wanted to be a writer, went to school to be a journalist, worked as a journalist, but honestly I always caught myself being too honest and too involved. Too honest does not get you far in the media world and I didn’t want to be a sell out honestly. Especially when it comes to music, I’m not going to lie to people and say something is heat when actually it’s garbage. And when it came to news journalism, well I wanted the stories about people, life, and what’s real….. But I also did not want to work for free haha. So yeah. Here I am writing for myself, about myself, to myself hahahaha.
Today, I am feeling hopeful. I feel like there’s something in me that I put away a long time ago, but I am trying to pull it out of me. I haven’t given up on myself yet and honestly I think that is a sign of hope. I think about self-discovery and how I am so thankful for my mother who gave me the opportunity to explore. In college when I decided to switch my major from Special Education to Journalism, I knew I had to tell my mom and I was terrified. Why was I terrified? I don’t know, maybe because in the movies they make it such a big deal. But of course my supportive mom straight up told me she never understood why I wasn’t following my dream in the first place.
When I picked to major in Special Education, it definitely was something I was passionate about, but I definitely was playing it safe. In my heart I knew I wanted to be a writer, specifically a writer in Hip Hop. My mom knew that. Shit, I think I knew it too, but what scared me the most was the journey to the career I wanted.
I honestly busted my ass in a lot of ways. Long nights in front of the computer, shit I even got those glasses that are better for your eyes because of the computer screen. I put so much energy and time in my goal of becoming… me. Wow. I just realized that this whole time I had thought all the work that I was putting in was for me to become this groundbreaking journalist, but really I just grew.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our “5 year plans” that we stunt our own growth. We tell ourselves this has to go like this, I have to be here. But what if this door opens a door you never even thought of. And honestly it may not always turn out good. But every single thing in our lives teaches us something.
I can’t sit around thinking about how I feel like I have let myself down. For not sticking to my 5 year plan. That is all made up. No I’m not saying give up on your goals, have goals, but be open to new opportunities.
I am not where I thought I would be, but honestly I don’t regret anything or any decision I have ever made. Randomly I ask myself that question because in front of people I’m like yeah I’m good, but then I ask myself truly.
“Alisha, are you okay with giving up your goals and dreams?”
Yes, because I never gave up I’m just trusting the plan that God has for me.
